INSIDE: Caregiving is a multi-series project from WOSU uncovering the journey of caregiving, from health disparities and inequities to exploring if our healthcare system is prepared to support the future aging population.
Randall Messer’s house on the west side of Columbus is decorated with comfortable furniture and photos of his only child, Michelle Messer.
At 73 years old, Randall Messer reports he feels better than ever, but that wasn’t always the case. Randall Messer was diagnosed with head and neck cancer during the pandemic. Unable to navigate doctors’ appointments or even eating by himself, he moved in with his daughter while he was sick.
“I just wanted to make sure he was going to get through the day because sometimes, I'll be honest, I didn't think he was going to survive,” Michelle Messer said.
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Caring for ill or aging loved ones can be extremely rewarding, but it can also be extremely challenging. That’s why it’s important for caregivers to take a step back and make sure they take care of themselves, too.
Michelle Messer knows all about navigating caregiving. She doesn’t romanticize the time her father was sick. While she said it brought her and her father closer together, she admits it was also hard, sometimes seemed hopeless and was often exhausting.
“It kind of, what I would say is, broke me down to my core and made me realize, you know, how strong I am,” Michelle Messer said.
Randall Messer, now in remission, compares himself to a tree.
“What you don't see is their roots underneath. If it weren't for them, that tree would only last ‘til one breeze of wind come by, and it'd be down,” Randall Messer said. “So, (Michelle) was the roots that helped me go through that.”
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Randall’s advice to anyone going through an illness is to learn to be patient.
“Don't look too far ahead, really, because you probably don't look that well,” Randall Messer said. “So just don't look down, you know, when you're on a ladder.”
Michelle Messer’s advice to other caregivers is, first and foremost, to ask friends, neighbors or church groups to help with daily tasks like food preparation.
“When you have so many things going on, the less time you have for to cook a healthy, good meal,” Michelle Messer said.
She recommends making time to exercise, too, even if that just means going up and down the stairs for 10 or 15 minutes. Michelle Messer said music also helps. She’s a Led Zeppelin fan, while her father likes Elvis Presley and the Beatles. That music helped them through some tough times.
And, of course, it’s important to take advantage of available resources.
“Caring for care partners is our special sauce."Morgan Fitzgerald, assistant director of the Golden Buckeye Center for Dementia Caregiving
Resources for caregivers
Michelle Messer still needs those resources. She now helps take care of her mother, who does not live with her father. Since her mother has memory loss, Michelle Messer is delving into classes available through the Golden Buckeye Center for Dementia Caregiving.
“Caring for care partners is our special sauce,” said Morgan Fitzgerald, assistant director of the Golden Buckeye Center.
The Golden Buckeye Center for Dementia Caregiving has a very specific mission: providing education, support, and resources for caregivers of loved ones with dementia and Alzheimer’s.
“One important takeaway that I always remind myself is that you can't pour from an empty cup,” Fitzgerald said.
The center offers in-person and online classes and trainings ranging from identifying the signs of dementia to managing money. They serve mostly informal caregivers, like family members of those with dementia, but also offer trainings for professional caregivers and classes for folks who want to navigate their own brain health as they begin to age.
Golden Buckeye Center also connects caregivers to all kinds of services through its partners, and offers some supports right on site, like tai chi for dementia caregivers.
The resources are abundant, but sometimes go unused by those who need them most.
“I think one of the huge barriers into getting services and supports into the hands of caregivers is folks not identifying as a caregiver,” Fitzgerald said.
She said that’s why the Golden Buckeye Center tries to use the broader term “care partner,” to encompass all kids of caregivers.
“There are a lot of emotional aspects of caregiving that caregivers oftentimes don't talk about."Franklin County Office on Aging Director Chanda Wingo
Who are the caregivers?
Tammy Smith, the caregiver program manager at the Central Ohio Area Agency on Aging (COAAA), said caregivers are typically a person’s “primary go-to,” which might mean making doctors' appointments, helping with medications or meals or dressing someone. They don't have to be relatives, and sometimes they can be providing support from a distance.
“There are some caregivers who live with their loved ones who actually have caregivers that live in a different state. And so, they're just coordinating resources,” Smith said. “So yeah, caregiving looks different on different caregivers.”
The Central Ohio Area Agency on Aging focuses on older adults and people with disabilities, but it also has resources specifically for caregivers.
Through the National Family Caregiving Program, the agency provides grants to caregivers. It also connects caregivers to meal deliveries, emergency response services and respite care so caregivers can take a break.
“So that could be in-home respite, that could be an adult day service, institutional respite,” Smith said.
In some cases, COAAA can also help with one-time utility or rental assistance. COAAA also can connect caregivers with counseling.
“There are a lot of emotional aspects of caregiving that caregivers oftentimes don't talk about,” said Franklin County Office on Aging Director Chanda Wingo.
The Franklin County Office on Aging, an office under the Franklin County Commissioners, serves country residents over the age of 60, but also funds grant programs that host caregiving conversations or circles, Wingo said.
"We recognize that our aging population is growing at such a fast rate that we need to be able to support those who are supporting our seniors,” she said.
"It really is going to require that everyone either step into a caregiving role or just have a caregiving mindset."Franklin County Office on Aging Director Chanda Wingo
An aging population
Every day in Franklin County, about 38 people turn 60, Wingo said. At the same time, people are living longer. Starting this year, the Franklin County Office on Aging serves four generations: the greatest generation, the silent generation, the baby boom generation, and now, the oldest of Gen X.
Wingo said many caregivers are aging as well. Some adult children in their 60s and 70s are taking care of parents in their 80s, 90s or 100s.
“So, when you think about that, it really is going to require that everyone either step into a caregiving role or just have a caregiving mindset,” Wingo said.
Michelle Messer, ever in the caregiving mindset, said she has learned a lot about caregiving, both through her lived experience and from the resources available through the Golden Buckeye Center for Dementia Caregiving. Still, she said there’s more to learn.
“I'm continuing to learn and continuing to try to educate myself,” Messer said.
